Welcome to the 3rd edition of Torture Theater. In this issue we take on the 1965 Horror Film Monster A Go-Go starring a bunch of people you have never heard of.
Backstory(from Wikipedia): The film had an unusual production history. Director Bill Rebane ran out of money while making the film. Lewis, who needed a second film to show with his own feature, Moonshine Mountain, bought the film, added a few extra scenes and some dialogue, and then released it, creating an odd, disjointed film with little continuity. Rebane had abandoned the film in 1961; Lewis did not finish the film until 1965 and so was unable to gather the entire original cast, resulting in almost half the characters disappearing midway through the film to be replaced by other characters that fill most of the same roles. One of the actors Lewis was able to get back had dramatically changed his look in the intervening years, necessitating his playing the brother of the original character.
10 seconds-How is that astronaut walking on a random part of space?
0:01-Catchy song
0:02-If no nation launched the satellite then just where did it come from?
0:04-Well that doesn’t sound good
20 seconds later-No shit
0:06-And without question the helicopter pilot was dead
10 seconds later-Without question, the man had come home and without question he kissed his wife.
0:07-Without question, Jimmy appeared
0:09-That was a short car ride
0:10-He just looks like he’s asleep
20 seconds later-It looks like you just removed the weeds
0:15-In Soviet Russia, body examines YOU
0:16-0:17-Meanwhile we find a party celebrating the death of Douglass. Without question the hips were shaking without question that guy is smoking, without question that girl has a really nice ass, without question he was having his first sexual experience, without question that guy was an asshole, and without question he drove into the night.
0:18-If the narrator wasn’t talking we’d hear real dialogue and probably have a better idea of what happened.
0:19-If they had just listened to the barking dog, if he hadn’t been such a pig they
would’ve lived.
10 seconds later-Seriously what the hell happened?
0:20-Um, I thought the narrator implied she was dead too?
0:22-Well thanks for spoiling the scene asshole
0:23-What exactly is he looking for?
0:24-Douglass looks like Henry Hite with a lot of make-up
0:26-Without question she ate the cherry
20 seconds later-I thought the others were burnt?
0:27-That’s not shriveled up its called bad acne
0:28-Without question they lost audio
0:29-8 weeks? What the hell happened?
0:30-Women doctors? Ha! Next thing ya know they’ll want the right to vote
0:33-Doctor Logan’s brother looks like a balding beatnik from New York.
0:37-Why does the narrator have to ruin everything?
0:40-His lab looks more like his garage
0:41-So Douglass killing 3 people and returning to earth as a mutated monster didn’t jeopardize the project but Douglass escaping did?
0:42-Ya know you aren’t going to get much of a tan wearing a cutoff shirt and
sweatpants.
10 seconds later-That’s not how a phone rings
0:43-A dozen? That was more like 5
0:45-Douglass moves pretty fast if he can cover 50 miles in one hour
30 seconds later-So they wait like 9 weeks to call in the Army?
0:46-What are they shooting at?
0:47-Ironically enough it looked like they were shooting at a wall
20 seconds later-Why does that look exactly like the scene from earlier?
10 seconds later-Truck drivers are the gentlemen are the road, yeah…riiiiight.
0:48-It’s probably his first woman in years
0:49-She wants him I can tell
20 seconds later-For him that’s the equivalent to getting laid
20 seconds later-What exactly was the point of that scene?
0:52-Douglass’s disease is spreading like herpes
0:53-This movie inspired the Kenny Loggins’ song Danger Zone
0:56-Ok, why the random shots of space?
0:57-“Tonight’s lead story, fire men in downtown Chicago are anticipating the arrival of mutated Frank Douglass in an attempt to wash the radiation away.”
0:58-That’s a poorly designed stairwell
10 seconds later-The only way to know Douglass is near is to hear the random weird music made by a broken piano.
1:00-This is where I stop
Ok, the movie is not an hour long for the record. I have decided to stop at 1 hour because the final several minutes of this movie are so unbelievably horrible that you’d have to see it yourself to realize how bad it is. Its Deus Ex Machina at its finest. Overall Monster A Go-Go is a very very bad movie. It may be the worst film ever in fact. It’s so bad that Herschel Gordon Lewis went insane and spent the rest of his career making the goriest movies you can ever imagine (that’s a topic for another day). I’m not sure who owns the rights to it or if its even available on DVD. The only way I’ve seen it on the internet or on DVD is through MST3K which does a very hilarious episode on it.
So I suppose you can either torrent it or watch the MST3K version on DVD or hulu.com.
Final Rating(on the bad scale):5/5=Torgo Award Winner of 1965(before Torgo even existed)
