Welcome to the first edition of Torture Theatre. The first edition revolves around the 2009 nightmare “Ace Ventura, Jr.” The premise of this series is to devolve into the Worst in Film.
Synopsis:The son of an eccentric detective steps into his father's shoes after his mother is wrongly arrested for stealing a baby panda.(From IMDB)
Note:I watched the Cartoon Network version. The times should be accurate, though if you watch it on DVD.
Notes:
0:01-”Directed by David Mickey Evans” Hey! Its the guy who directed the greatest baseball movie ever, “The Sandlot”. This can’t be bad right?
10 seconds later:”Ace Ventura Jr.”? Oh dear god…
0:02-There is no way Josh Flitter is THAT athletic
0:03-I wish that alligator would eat him
20 seconds later:Hearing his mom calling him “Ace Ventura” made me lose my lunch
0:04-Are they REALLY going to try to turn this into a Comedy-Drama by mentioning that the original Ace is dead?
0:06-I’ve never heard of so many missing pets in my life
10 seconds later-Kid there is no way she is going to go for you. Trust me
0:08-That dog is the best actor in the film
0:09-Great a random, pointless fart joke. This film is officially now worse than Black Dahlia
10 seconds later-Who the hell would have a pet skunk?
0:10-Josh Flitter is getting more annoying by the second.
0:13-Hey, its Josh Flitter’s audition
0:14-Speaking of visuals, I don’t want to see.
0:15-If I was his mother, I’d send him to an asylum. No 12 year old acts like that.
0:16-Another farting joke, yay.
10 seconds later-What is Ace Ventura, some kind of disease?
0:18-0:20-Ok, none of that would hold up in a court of law and just why would they send the FBI to raid the house?
0:21-I guess Ventura is a disease
0:22-Did not need to hear that
0:25-Wow, so it’s a mutation apparently…what is the point of this movie?
0:26-Ok, considering we haven’t seen the lunch lady, that joke fails.
0:27-The attempt at “comedy” is failing
0:30-NOT awesome
0:33-This “A plus” kid is really gay
20 seconds later-Unlike the rest of the actors in this film…
0:34-I’m convinced that Pennington Jr. and A plus are a gay couple
0:35-Yet another unfunny joke
0:37-That’s more women in that scene touching him, then he’ll ever have.
0:40-And the bad jokes continue…
0:41-Again, not that athletic
0:43-I get it, he’s a creepy nerd.
0:45-Even the music is bad
0:46-Wow, halfway through and theres been 3 farting jokes.
0:48-A FOURTH farting joke.
0:49-Ace Ventura Jr. is now the most annoying character I’ve ever seen
30 seconds later-What is the deal with references to the 90’s?
0:52-I maintain that Ace Sr. died upon realizing how stupid his son really is.
0:53-HOLY CRAP I DID NOT KNOW HE WAS A PET DETECTIVE! WHAT A SWERVE!
0:54-Great, the Ace Ventura costume is now disgraced. Is nothing sacred?
0:55-0:56-The bad jokes continue. This movie is now worse than Meet The Spartans.
0:58-0:59-That may be one of the worst scenes in cinema history.
1:01-My IQ is dropping
1:02-Every time I hear “Ace Ventura Jr.” I die inside.
1:03-DO NOT WANT
1:06-Again, not that at…forget it.
1:08-Can we stop with the pop culture references?
1:09-Wow, a Sandlot reference. The “Your killing me smalls” line is now dead to me.
1:11-Ok, now they’re really overpushing both his evilness and gayness
1:15-DEAR GOD END THIS MOVIE!
1:19-The “meow” by the cat made me think Cole Snyder signed on
1:22:”You just did not make that lame joke”. That’s what I’ve been saying this whole film.
1:23-That fish should really be dead by now
1:24-I feel sorry for Emma Lockhart, no one should be subjected to that torture. At least it wasn’t on the lips.
1:27-That’s a HUGE panda.
1:28-Thank god, its over…
Final Thoughts:Wow, this is just really bad. I thought Dumb and Dumberer and The Mask 2 was bad, but this is way worse. Jim Carrey himself saw this and here’s how he felt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-hM0BD6oxg
In a much more serious note. It’s a dirty shame to watch David M. Evans continue to bury his own career. I can’t believe this is the same guy who directed “The Sandlot”. This guy is very talented, “The Sandlot” showed it. So why can’t he make another that instead of something as stupid as this.
Ok, something like “The Sandlot”, not another “Sandlot”. I feel for Josh Flitter and Emma Lockhart, these two could become good actors. But they’re being thrown in St. Evans’ Fire of bad scripts and direction. My advice for them, stay away from David, he’s lost his mind.
Final Rating(on the bad scale):5/5=GOOD GOD WHY!?!??!?!?
